YES, it is important to watch how you think and create a positive expectation that you can find a man who will be different BUT I feel you need to be validated for the REALITIES you are seeing. You can apply all the new age theory you want but REALITY from top social psychology researchers paints a difficult picture to swallow. If you look at statistics on men, MANY (not all) do bail, do cheat, do expect women to look better than they themselves look, and do have difficulty communicating and dealing with their fear. I have extensive background in woman’s development, male/female dynamics and social evolution theory. You are not crazy and I think this new age ” you are creating your own reality” belief system can be taken too far. I feel your pain and have seen many of the same things you mentioned in my relationships and in those around me. I want to respond to the woman from Los Angeles. I’d love to hear what you have to say about all of this. To make different choices from now on you don’t actually have to make yourself wrong for the past. Consider the positive intentions behind the choices you have made. I’ll say more in another blog post, but what comes to mind first is: When you notice you are making yourself wrong, take some time to sit quietly and assess the situation. To answer the question, “ Why do we bang our heads against the wall, wondering what we did wrong, questioning ourselves?“:ĭoubting ourselves and making ourselves wrong is a serious problem that many women face. Some men have told me they didn’t feel heard when they tried to share…
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Some men have told me they didn’t know how to say what they wanted or needed, they didn’t want to hurt a woman. Some men have told me that even though it seemed sudden, they were unhappy for a while. Some men have told me they leave when they feel they can’t make a woman happy. Some men have told me they leave when they get scared.
I can share some of what they have told me: I can’t give a blanket statement for why men leave, because there isn’t one. Men have let me into their hearts and shared their raw, vulnerable truth. I have had the privilege of coaching close to a thousand men. This is part of one of the biggest mistakes women (even smart, successful women) make that keep us from finding and creating an amazing relationship. He will avoid us, or not stick around, when we do. Many beliefs we have about men come from past hurts and frustrations, times we felt unseen, disrespected, used, led on, abandoned…īut if we do not heal and we carry these resentments around, we can not see each man for who he is! A man can feel when we’re doing this, even before we say a word. I hear so much pain in this question that it’s hard to stay focused on the words. ‘ALL Men’ don’t do anything because there is no such being as ALL MEN. But when you catch yourself generalizing about ALL MEN, stop! if we were, we’d bail, too.”Īny time you include a generalization about men in your question, use the statement “Men NEVER…,” and then insult men, you are treading into some very dangerous territory…moving farther and farther away from having love and connection with men, and with the right man for you! It pisses me off that we don’t seem to be wired the same way.
this ‘sting’ feels SO contrary to a man’s connection to who he really is…he just says, ‘GOODBYE! I’m outta here!’ they can mention other women, and we will eat a hole in ourselves, wondering why we aren’t as good as that other woman that had him. Men can make women sick with jealousy, for years. they are proud as peacocks! they think they are amazing and great! even if they are bald, fat, ugly and have 2 spare tires. WHY then, since women, equally, DO NOT like to feel like shit in a relationship…WHY are WE the sex that bangs our heads against the wall, wondering what we did wrong, questioning ourselves? men NEVER do this. “WHY is it that the first moment a MAN feels bad, he ‘checks out’/leaves? he doesn’t give a shit about the woman making HIM feel bad–he won’t put up with it.